Advice From a Melancholy Mind

Dear Boo and Bubble,

Although the thoughts expressed here have been rolling around in my head for a while, I’ve been reluctant to write this letter to you. I’m by nature an optimistic person and have lived most every day of my life with the expectation of many more to come…never really giving much thought to when or how it might all come to an end. Unfortunately, the current circumstances swirling around the Covid-19 coronavirus necessitate that I focus on the inevitable—at some point, the form in which I exist and, most importantly, relate to you will cease to be. And it makes me so sad to even think about not physically being with you. This is truly the greatest agony of the current time…Facetiming and Zooming notwithstanding…we can’t be together.

And so, I’m going to take the opportunity to say to you in one fell swoop those things that I might have normally spaced out over time, waiting for apropos moments to bring them up. Perhaps by doing so, I will not only absolve myself of my grandmotherly responsibilities towards you but also, just maybe, cosmically forestall the inescapable.

This advice comes from experience and includes perspectives brought about by my own failures and shortcomings. They are in no particular order, just organized by stream of consciousness. Some will be easier to adopt than others…most all you will want to test because that is human nature. My sincere hope is that somehow these words will help you navigate the mindfield known as “growing up,” and when you successfully make it through, you will be stronger, wiser and ready to face the world.

* Don’t start something you’ll spend the rest of your life trying to stop…like smoking, vaping and drugs.

* Respect is the most important gift you can give or receive.

* Know yourself so well that others can’t manipulate you.

* Be firm in your beliefs but make sure they are based upon truth.

* Be honest with yourself and others. Truth is like a seed…no matter how much dirt you put on top of it, it will always find a way to poke through the surface. And in so doing will expose the lie…and reputations are lost forever.

* Love yourself. This is the root of all happiness in life and the only way you will have the self-assuredness to face what comes your way. But be humble as well. Arrogance has no place in the well-balanced, healthy mind.

* Genuinely love others and focus on their wellbeing. Be thoughtful of them. Show empathy towards them. Share their moments of happiness and be there for their moments of disappointment. The most endearing word in the English language is “friend”—a person with whom someone has a mutual bond of affection—and extending friendship is the most important gesture you can make towards another.

* Do not take for granted your family and on every occasion possible let them know how much you love them.

* Have your opinions but understand that you have come to them by your life’s journey. Others have had different journeys which brought them to different conclusions. Acknowledge that fact and seek to respect the person even if you cannot accept the opinion. Always be open to hearing what others have to say and don’t rush so quickly to create a response that you can’t actually listen.

* Live each day to the fullest. Never stop learning…there is no such thing as a “know it all.” Travel if you can, to personally experience other cultures…it will give you appreciation for both theirs and yours.

* Take responsibility for your actions and when you make a mistake, own up to it. Never hesitate to say, “I’m sorry,” but move beyond the incident if the words don’t freely come your way.

* It is never a weakness to ask for help and always correct to offer it.

*You can’t take back words…so count to ten before you say something you suspect you’ll regret. And…I suggest that you apply the Rotary International test to the thoughts you have and the words you say—Is it true? Is it fair to all concerned? Will it build good will and better friendships? Will it be beneficial to all concerned?

* Have no doubt that kindness is strength and intimidation is weakness.

Let me close by adding one more imperative—love each other as brothers. Each relationship in a family has its importance but that of siblings is unique. Boo, as the older brother, you will take the lead in paving the way for Bubble. You will experience phases of growth first. He’ll come along behind you and be better prepared because you went before. Your teachers will expect of him the example you set—for better or worse!! Even though it’s a heady responsibility, you probably aren’t even cognizant of it right now. Bubble will always look up to you and there’s not much you could ever do to crack that admiration.

When Captain was 16, he lost his big brother in a freak accident. That was 57 years ago, and to this day, his heart has not totally healed. Every time he references Cot, Jr., it is always in glowing terms of the fondest remembrance. In many ways, I don't think I will ever fully know Captain because I didn't know his big brother.

And so...stand up for each other...be best friends...and most importantly, be grateful for the time you have together.