Dear Boo and Bubble,
I’ve been following a recent news story that both
disheartens and distresses me. It’s the revelation that quite a few very famous,
rich people have engaged in a fraudulent bribery scheme to get their children
accepted to some of the most prestigious colleges in the country. From what I
understand, they paid millions of dollars collectively to someone who exaggerated…and
even fabricated…test scores, grades, and extra-curricular activities on admission
documents. In some cases, coaches were persuaded through nefarious means to offer
athletic scholarships even though the ability in the sport was lacking. The ruse
was so widespread and lucrative that the FBI has now indicted some 50 people
including parents, coaches and test-prep executives. The schools involved range
from Yale, Georgetown, and Stanford to Wake Forest, the University of Texas and
the University of Southern California.
“What is WRONG with people?” I
find myself uttering this question pretty much daily now and this situation is
no different. Aside from just the basic illegality of bribes and cheating and
lying, there are so many other societal ramifications to consider. It calls
into question the legitimacy of the academic process. In the heated competition
for acceptance to these premier schools, it raises the specter that deserving
students are being denied their rightful place on a college campus because others
bought their way in. In an age when many complain about the outcomes of
Affirmative Action (the effort by institutions of higher learning to broaden
the ethnic and racial mix of their student bodies by giving consideration to
that on their application), I guess this is the rich and privileged man’s counter to that initiative.
But the saddest of all consequences to me is the damage
these people are doing to the very children they thought they were helping. As actress
Julia Roberts expressed, “they didn’t have faith in their own kids.”
One of the hardest, yet most critical responsibilities
of a parent is to teach a child to accept himself or herself for who they are. Sure,
we all encourage our children to the best of their abilities, but to finagle
situations so that they never suffer disappointment or defeat only sets them up
for those very things. Doing so robs them of the critical capability for
perspective. Out in the big, bad world, we all face circumstances over which we
have no control. Having perspective is key to navigating through them.
I know I have shared this story already with you—(See
post, dated Monday, Feb. 9, 2015,entitled “Sometimes When You Lose, You Win.”)—but
I find it apropos to recall it to you now. No one on the face of this earth loved
his daughter more than Granddaddy Schaefer loved me. Some might say the better
word is “adore.” He was my biggest fan, famous friend and constant counselor
throughout our time here on earth together. From when I was three years old, I
studied dance and he enjoyed watching me perform, often asking me to do so for
friends that came over to 3 Lakecrest for visits. I grew up to become a member
of the Greenville Civic Ballet and attained the status of soloist. Our troop
was invited for several years to perform as the entertainment segments at the
Miss South Carolina productions at the Memorial Auditorium. After a while, the
beauty pageant bug bit and…my freshman year at Furman…I entered the Miss
Greenville contest.
I will now use the words I wrote in 2015 to describe what
happened next.
--In 1967, I was fortunate enough to win the
title of Miss Greenville which meant that I would represent the city in the Miss
South Carolina pageant. Although I had an adequate face and figure, my strength
in the competition was my talent – ballet. I chose the song Chim-Chim-Cheree from the
movie Mary Poppins and constructed my own choreography. My
costume was fitted at the waist and featured several layers of yellow flowing
tulle with lace – not the classical tutu.
The pageant was to be held over four nights in
July at the Greenville Memorial Auditorium. The first three were for
preliminaries where contestants, divided into three groups, were judged in
evening gown, swimsuit and talent (a three-minute routine) in rotation until
every contestant had competed in all categories. The preliminary winners in
swimsuit and talent were announced each night. To create some degree of mystery,
the evening gown winners were kept a secret. On the final night, ten
contestants with the highest accumulated scores advanced to vie for the title.
In the months leading up, I worked very hard
in preparation. The buzz around town was that I stood a pretty good chance of
winning because of my ballet training. I tried to ignore the thought but found
myself flirting with the concept anyway. Finally, the time arrived and my
chaperone (yes, back then, each girl had to have a personal chaperone) and I checked
into the Poinsett Hotel on Main Street where all the contestants were housed.
The rotation for my group in the competition
went evening gown, swimsuit, then talent. This was fine with me. It gave me two
nights to be noticed by the judges and perhaps build some points up before I
played my strong suit. We rehearsed during the day for the category of the
evening. On Friday, I practiced my routine twice, not paying much attention to
those who came before or after me. Satisfied that I was ready, I retreated to
the hotel to get some rest and make final preparations.
The show started promptly at 8:00. The talent
portion came after the intermission following the evening gown and swimsuit
judging. This gave me plenty of time to warm up and settle my nerves. The call
came for our group to assemble in a holding room backstage. In order to make
things flow smoothly, the procedure allowed that when a contestant took the
stage, the next in line would be brought into the wings ready to go.
A stagehand called my name and I was escorted
to the downstage wing just as the contestant in front of me, Miss Cherokee
County, Claudia Bonner, began her performance. I liked Claudia. She was not one
of the raving beauties in the pageant but had a magnetic smile and bubbly
personality. For her talent, she chose to clog which, being a snobbish en pointe ballerina, I had
totally dismissed as a gimmick. I certainly felt no threat from her in that
category.
I remember those three minutes of my life as
vividly today as then. She started out with a Minnie Pearl impersonation
(complete with price tag hanging off her hat) and at one point in the monologue
raised up her armpit to take a whiff and yelled “Phew-eeee.” I thought to
myself that this was going nowhere...until I heard the murmurs of laughter from
the audience. And then she began to engage the audience asking them if they
wanted to see her dance.
“Yes!” A few yelled back.
“I CAN'T HEAR YA! DO YA WANT TO SEE ME DANCE
OR NOT?”
“YES!” The chorus grew louder.
“Well...I ain't ta gonna dance unless you want
me to.”
“YES!!!” It seemed the whole auditorium
erupted in the response.
At which point her music started and she
proceeded to tear across the stage, double-stepping, triple-stepping and
fancy-stepping non-stop until she had everybody clapping along with her.
From my angle in the wings, I could only see a
little sliver of the audience, but I could see the entire panel of judges at
the foot of the stage. When the end came, they, along with everyone in the
building stood up and gave Claudia an ovation.
Needless to say, she won the evening's talent
preliminary.
I was totally deflated, and I honestly don't
remember my own performance that night. I do, however, pointedly recall what
Granddaddy Schaefer – my very
own father – said to me later when I approached him at the
Poinsett Hotel, tears welling up in my eyes.
“No tears, Bethie. Not tonight. You know you
didn't deserve to win.”--
That honest assessment
given to me at that critical moment of personal disappointment by the man who
loved me more than anything…who would have wanted a different outcome for me
just to keep me from being hurt…let me know one critical thing. He believed in
me enough to tell me the truth…he understood that I had the capacity within myself
to overcome adversity without anyone manipulating things to “make them right.”
When I think back on
that night and how pivotal it was in my own growth and development, I can’t
help but feel so sorry for the kids whose parents are involved in the bribery
scandal. Belief in their ability to make their own way…encountering odds and
overcoming them…would certainly serve them better in the long run.
