You Don't Deserve It

Dear Boo and Bubble,

I’ve been following a recent news story that both disheartens and distresses me. It’s the revelation that quite a few very famous, rich people have engaged in a fraudulent bribery scheme to get their children accepted to some of the most prestigious colleges in the country. From what I understand, they paid millions of dollars collectively to someone who exaggerated…and even fabricated…test scores, grades, and extra-curricular activities on admission documents. In some cases, coaches were persuaded through nefarious means to offer athletic scholarships even though the ability in the sport was lacking. The ruse was so widespread and lucrative that the FBI has now indicted some 50 people including parents, coaches and test-prep executives. The schools involved range from Yale, Georgetown, and Stanford to Wake Forest, the University of Texas and the University of Southern California.

“What is WRONG with people?” I find myself uttering this question pretty much daily now and this situation is no different. Aside from just the basic illegality of bribes and cheating and lying, there are so many other societal ramifications to consider. It calls into question the legitimacy of the academic process. In the heated competition for acceptance to these premier schools, it raises the specter that deserving students are being denied their rightful place on a college campus because others bought their way in. In an age when many complain about the outcomes of Affirmative Action (the effort by institutions of higher learning to broaden the ethnic and racial mix of their student bodies by giving consideration to that on their application), I guess this is the rich and privileged man’s counter to that initiative.

But the saddest of all consequences to me is the damage these people are doing to the very children they thought they were helping. As actress Julia Roberts expressed, “they didn’t have faith in their own kids.”

One of the hardest, yet most critical responsibilities of a parent is to teach a child to accept himself or herself for who they are. Sure, we all encourage our children to the best of their abilities, but to finagle situations so that they never suffer disappointment or defeat only sets them up for those very things. Doing so robs them of the critical capability for perspective. Out in the big, bad world, we all face circumstances over which we have no control. Having perspective is key to navigating through them.

I know I have shared this story already with you—(See post, dated Monday, Feb. 9, 2015,entitled “Sometimes When You Lose, You Win.”)—but I find it apropos to recall it to you now. No one on the face of this earth loved his daughter more than Granddaddy Schaefer loved me. Some might say the better word is “adore.” He was my biggest fan, famous friend and constant counselor throughout our time here on earth together. From when I was three years old, I studied dance and he enjoyed watching me perform, often asking me to do so for friends that came over to 3 Lakecrest for visits. I grew up to become a member of the Greenville Civic Ballet and attained the status of soloist. Our troop was invited for several years to perform as the entertainment segments at the Miss South Carolina productions at the Memorial Auditorium. After a while, the beauty pageant bug bit and…my freshman year at Furman…I entered the Miss Greenville contest.

I will now use the words I wrote in 2015 to describe what happened next.

--In 1967, I was fortunate enough to win the title of Miss Greenville which meant that I would represent the city in the Miss South Carolina pageant. Although I had an adequate face and figure, my strength in the competition was my talent – ballet. I chose the song Chim-Chim-Cheree from the movie Mary Poppins and constructed my own choreography. My costume was fitted at the waist and featured several layers of yellow flowing tulle with lace – not the classical tutu.

The pageant was to be held over four nights in July at the Greenville Memorial Auditorium. The first three were for preliminaries where contestants, divided into three groups, were judged in evening gown, swimsuit and talent (a three-minute routine) in rotation until every contestant had competed in all categories. The preliminary winners in swimsuit and talent were announced each night. To create some degree of mystery, the evening gown winners were kept a secret. On the final night, ten contestants with the highest accumulated scores advanced to vie for the title.

In the months leading up, I worked very hard in preparation. The buzz around town was that I stood a pretty good chance of winning because of my ballet training. I tried to ignore the thought but found myself flirting with the concept anyway. Finally, the time arrived and my chaperone (yes, back then, each girl had to have a personal chaperone) and I checked into the Poinsett Hotel on Main Street where all the contestants were housed.

The rotation for my group in the competition went evening gown, swimsuit, then talent. This was fine with me. It gave me two nights to be noticed by the judges and perhaps build some points up before I played my strong suit. We rehearsed during the day for the category of the evening. On Friday, I practiced my routine twice, not paying much attention to those who came before or after me. Satisfied that I was ready, I retreated to the hotel to get some rest and make final preparations.

The show started promptly at 8:00. The talent portion came after the intermission following the evening gown and swimsuit judging. This gave me plenty of time to warm up and settle my nerves. The call came for our group to assemble in a holding room backstage. In order to make things flow smoothly, the procedure allowed that when a contestant took the stage, the next in line would be brought into the wings ready to go.

A stagehand called my name and I was escorted to the downstage wing just as the contestant in front of me, Miss Cherokee County, Claudia Bonner, began her performance. I liked Claudia. She was not one of the raving beauties in the pageant but had a magnetic smile and bubbly personality. For her talent, she chose to clog which, being a snobbish en pointe ballerina, I had totally dismissed as a gimmick. I certainly felt no threat from her in that category.

I remember those three minutes of my life as vividly today as then. She started out with a Minnie Pearl impersonation (complete with price tag hanging off her hat) and at one point in the monologue raised up her armpit to take a whiff and yelled “Phew-eeee.” I thought to myself that this was going nowhere...until I heard the murmurs of laughter from the audience. And then she began to engage the audience asking them if they wanted to see her dance. 

“Yes!” A few yelled back.

“I CAN'T HEAR YA! DO YA WANT TO SEE ME DANCE OR NOT?”

“YES!” The chorus grew louder.

“Well...I ain't ta gonna dance unless you want me to.”

“YES!!!” It seemed the whole auditorium erupted in the response.

At which point her music started and she proceeded to tear across the stage, double-stepping, triple-stepping and fancy-stepping non-stop until she had everybody clapping along with her.

From my angle in the wings, I could only see a little sliver of the audience, but I could see the entire panel of judges at the foot of the stage. When the end came, they, along with everyone in the building stood up and gave Claudia an ovation.

Needless to say, she won the evening's talent preliminary.

I was totally deflated, and I honestly don't remember my own performance that night. I do, however, pointedly recall what Granddaddy Schaefer – my very own father – said to me later when I approached him at the Poinsett Hotel, tears welling up in my eyes.

“No tears, Bethie. Not tonight. You know you didn't deserve to win.”--

That honest assessment given to me at that critical moment of personal disappointment by the man who loved me more than anything…who would have wanted a different outcome for me just to keep me from being hurt…let me know one critical thing. He believed in me enough to tell me the truth…he understood that I had the capacity within myself to overcome adversity without anyone manipulating things to “make them right.”

When I think back on that night and how pivotal it was in my own growth and development, I can’t help but feel so sorry for the kids whose parents are involved in the bribery scandal. Belief in their ability to make their own way…encountering odds and overcoming them…would certainly serve them better in the long run.