Sometimes When You Lose, You Win

Dear Boo and Bubble,

I read a quote the other day from Russell Wilson, the quarterback for the Seattle Seahawks, who just experienced a major disappointment while playing in the Super Bowl against the New England Patriots. The game took two quixotic turns at the very end – one miraculous catch by a Seahawk receiver on the Patriots' 5-yard line to give them four chances to score a touchdown for a win and an equally miraculous interception by a Patriot defender on what has been described as the “dumbest play call in NFL history.”

The quote went something like this - “Thank you God for the opportunity. We'll be back. I will never waiver on who He has called me to be.”

What struck me about this was how, even in the throes of defeat, Wilson expressed a positive attitude – even a grateful one – for the chance to compete even if it meant a bitter failure. The three words comprising the middle sentence are the most telling - “We'll be back.” They convey character, the type of which is forged in setbacks, heartaches and losses. Ironically, the humility of defeat offers many a more consequential lesson in life than the glory of victory ever could.

In 1967, I was fortunate enough to win the title of Miss Greenville which meant that I would represent the city in the Miss South Carolina pageant. Although I had an adequate face and figure, my strength in the competition was my talent – ballet. I chose the song Chim-Chim-Cherrie from the movie Mary Poppins and constructed my own choreography. My costume was fitted at the waist and featured several layers of yellow flowing tulle with lace – not the classical tutu.

The pageant was to be held over four nights in July at the Greenville Memorial Auditorium. The first three were for preliminaries where contestants, divided into three groups, were judged in evening gown, swimsuit and talent (a three-minute routine) in rotation until every contestant had competed in all categories. The preliminary winners in swimsuit and talent were announced each night. To create some degree of mystery, the evening gown winners were kept a secret. On the final night, ten contestants with the highest accumulated scores advanced to vie for the title.

In the months leading up, I worked very hard in preparation. The buzz around town was that I stood a pretty good chance of winning because of my ballet training. I tried to ignore the thought, but found myself flirting with the concept anyway. Finally, the time arrived and my chaperone (yes, back then, each girl had to have a personal chaperone) and I checked into the Poinsett Hotel on Main Street where all of the contestants were housed.

The rotation for my group in the competition went evening gown, swimsuit, then talent. This was fine with me. It gave me two nights to be noticed by the judges and perhaps build some points up before I played my strong suit. We rehearsed during the day for the category of the evening. On Friday, I practiced my routine twice, not paying much attention to those who came before or after me. Satisfied that I was ready, I retreated to the hotel to get some rest and make final preparations.

The show started promptly at 8:00. The talent portion came after the intermission following the evening gown and swimsuit judging. This gave me plenty of time to warm up and settle my nerves. The call came for our group to assemble in a holding room backstage. In order to make things flow smoothly, the procedure allowed that when a contestant took the stage, the next in line would be brought into the wings ready to go.

A stagehand called my name and I was escorted to the downstage wing just as the contestant in front of me, Miss Cherokee County, Claudia Bonner, began her performance. I liked Claudia. She was not one of the raving beauties in the pageant, but had a magnetic smile and bubbly personality. For her talent, she chose to clog which, being a snobbish en pointe ballerina, I had totally dismissed as a gimmick. I certainly felt no threat from her in that category.

I remember those three minutes of my life as vividly today as then. She started out with a Minnie Pearl impersonation (complete with price tag hanging off of her hat) and at one point in the monologue raised up her armpit to take a whiff and yelled “Phew-eeee.” I thought to myself that this was going nowhere.......until I heard the murmurs of laughter from the audience. And then she began to engage the audience asking them if they wanted to see her dance. 

 

“Yes!” A few yelled back.

“I CAN'T HEAR YA! DO YA WANT TO SEE ME DANCE OR NOT?”

“YES!” The chorus grew louder.

“Well.......I ain't ta gonna dance unless you want me to.”

“YES!!!” It seemed the whole auditorium erupted in the response.

At which point her music started and she proceeded to tear across the stage, double-stepping, triple-stepping and fancy-stepping non-stop until she had everybody clapping along with her.

From my angle in the wings, I could only see a little sliver of the audience, but I could see the entire panel of judges at the foot of the stage. When the end came, they, along with everyone in the building stood up and gave Claudia an ovation.

Needless to say, she won the evening's talent preliminary.

I was totally deflated and I honestly don't remember my own performance that night. I do, however, pointedly recall what Granddaddy Schaefer – my very own father – said to me later when I approached him at the Poinsett Hotel, tears welling up in my eyes.

“No tears, Bethie. Not tonight. You know you didn't deserve to win.”

The next night, when they announced the Top Ten, I was not among them. And to add insult to injury, after the announcement was made and the swimsuit competition judged, we all had to start the program over again for television. It was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do - being introduced in my evening gown and smiling for the camera as if I didn't know anything, as if my heart hadn't sunk to the pit of my stomach.

I don't think I was as gracious as Russell Wilson on that night. I have no recollection of being grateful for the opportunity to experience such a painful collapse of expectations. But, I will tell you boys, I learned a valuable lesson from all of it.  Sometimes it takes a defeat to ultimately win.  Sometimes it takes disappointment to really find happiness.  And character - the resilient "We'll be back" kind - is often better forged from the introspection required in a time of loss than from the sweetness of gain.  

And so, maybe a little late – Thank you, Claudia.

(By the way....I found out later that I finished #11 in the judging. Also, when Captain and I moved to Gaffney, SC, years later, Claudia and her husband Allen Fowler became two of our very best friends.)